Easter

Today is Easter 2008. Happy Easter!

I've always been fascinated by what determines the date of Easter. I found the following in Wikipedia and rephrased it: 

The rule has been since the Middle Ages that Easter is observed on the Sunday after the first full moon on or after the day of the vernal equinox. Problems: One is that the full moon involved (called the Paschal full moon) is not an astronomical full moon, but an ecclesiastical moon. Another difference is that the astronomical vernal equinox is a natural astronomical phenomenon, while the ecclesiastical vernal equinox is a fixed March 21. Easter is determined from tables which determine Easter based on the ecclesiastical rules, which approximate the astronomical full moon. 

The calculations for the date of Easter are somewhat complicated. In the Western Church, Easter has not fallen on the earliest of the 35 possible dates, March 22, since 1818, and will not do so again until 2285. It does however fall on March 23 in 2008 but will not do so again until 2160. Easter last fell on the latest possible date, April 25, in 1943 and will next fall on that date in 2038. However, it will fall on April 24, just one day before this latest possible date, in 2011.

The cycle of Easter dates repeats after exactly 5,700,000 years, with April 19 being the most common date, happening 220,400 times, or 3.9% compared to a median for all dates of 189,525 times, or 3.3%.

Are you saying by now, who cares?

I've always wondered who or what determines when Easter is, and I've also wondered why sometimes it is said that March 21 is the equinox, but other times I hear that March 20 is. I think I found some of my answers. Again, who cares? I do. =)

But this Easter I had more of a personal reflection. Yesterday Paul and I visited both of our Moms and took them Easter baskets filled with chocolate candy. Paul's Mom is approaching 90 and is in a nursing home. We had a great visit with her and shared some chocolate candy.

We then visited my Mom who is in her 91st year. She still lives in the big house where she raised 11 children, but she is well cared for by one of my brothers who lives on the property. She had fun telling us about being out shopping and buying an Easter hat (and she only paid $5 for it, but she wasn't supposed to tell anyone that, LOL). She's afraid she's taking a cold so she won't get to go to church on Easter Sunday and wear her new hat.

How times have changed. I couldn't help but think of all the years we colored Easter eggs and hid them with our kids. Then just a few years ago some of our kids came and brought their kids and we hid Easter eggs in the park nearby. Now, we're taking Easter baskets to our elderly Moms. Time does move on.

And a big part of our Easters has always been large and wonderful church services. That's usually the biggest crowd of the year, and when Paul pastored a large church in Fort Worth, we rented an arena downtown to hold the huge crowd. What wonderful memories; what great reflections.

And to conclude this post, I have to tell you that we experienced another wonderful Easter service at our church, Henderson Hills in Edmond. The music was fabulous, the participation by large groups of all ages, the message by the pastor, and concluding with what a difference the resurrection makes in the lives of people. About a dozen people came out holding a placard that had a problem they had faced in their lives, and they stood center stage and turned the placard over, showing what a change the Lord Jesus had made in their lives. Powerful!!

Yes, we went to church on Saturday night to avoid the huge crowds that will be present on Sunday morning. We didn't avoid that because the church was full! We had a wonderful worship experience and have already enjoyed a great Easter.

Wishing you a very wonderful and happy Easter today!

MB

Family

Just a quick post about how grateful I am for my family.

I have a soul mate for a husband. I realize every day what a blessing that is. There's nothing we cannot talk about. We both have our private places inside for a few sacred personal things, but we make it a practice to talk and share. We celebrate and respect each other's differences. Yeah! It's taken many years, but it's so worth the effort.

And I appreciate so much our four children who survived their upbringing. They are all four successful adults and family-oriented adults. They're all successful in their respective professions. They're all our adult friends. Again, what a blessing! I'm grateful.

And then our four children's mates are all and each one very special, exactly fit and they all make great couples. This also has not been without struggles of varying degrees. These two men and two women are also our adult friends.

And as if the blessings don't stop, how blessed we are with our 13 grandchildren and 4 step-grandchildren. And the icing on the cake is a great-grandchild and a step great-grandchild.

Just wanted to say today that I'm grateful and I realize how fortunate we are to have our family. I want to do everything I can to keep the relationships top-notch, open, sharing, and respectful. May it ever be!

MB

Processing Grief

In the article I mentioned in my last post about grief, the author quoted Therese A. Rando's description of grief care as a series of processes rather than tasks or outcomes. He continues writing that he has used Rando's processes as a template cover which he could place the current experience of a grieving person and thus determine their progress or the area where they were stuck. He then paraphrased Rando's processes as follows:

1. Admit that the loss happened and attempt to comprehend how it happened.

2. Allow the full experience of pain and talk about the major and secondary issues.

3. Think about the relationship and review memories both positive and negative.

4. Admit that the physical relationship can no longer be and write a new life script.

5. Develop new plans that do not include the lost relationship.

He continues by giving a couple of examples. Then concludes by saying that "I often hear people say to a grieving person, 'It's been over a year now. You should be over it.' But time cannot be considered the best indicator of adjustment. The most reliable indicator is movement. (Movement through the above processes.) The movement can be large or ever so small, but movement shows reason to rejoice."

I heard a long time ago that we don't always learn what we hear taught or sermonized. But usually we really learn something that we've already experienced and then we hear teaching on it and we know, really know, that this is the truth that we've already experienced. Someone has put words to what I know in experience. And we find ourselves saying, Aha, YES!

That's one of the reasons I posted excerpts from this article on grief. I've experienced grief, and when I read these comments, it was an aha moment for me. Wanted to share.

MB

Grief

Some of our family are experiencing grief right now in major proportions. They've lost a father, a very close friend, and another friend, all within two weeks. One death would be very difficult to process, two extremely difficult, three could really be overwhelming.

Loving and thinking of and praying for these family members has caused me to do some reflection and remembering of my own. 

I lost my father when he was 58 years old. There was  no warning, no health problems. I just got a call one day that he had died of a heart attack while he was "on the job." That experience was like walking along through life and hitting a brick wall and being knocked out emotionally. It was very difficult to process. I had three siblings who were still in the home.

I remember many strange feelings: anger when others laughed, even on television; confusion at what this all meant; thinking ahead to all the family holidays and who would sit in his chair and what would we do without him; having dreams that he was there and sitting at the table and the odd sense that something was wrong; and having the feeling that nothing will ever again be the same. Over the years the pain faded, but it took a long, long daily time for that to happen.

Then some years later I had a sister who committed suicide. That was truly an event. That hurt so bad that I had physical pain in my chest and had to hold my chest, put pressure on it, to ease the pain. (I think I now have a realization of what it means to say, "He died of a broken heart.") My grief, the crying, sobbing kind of grief, lasted more than a year after her death. But by this time I had realized how important it was to let the grief out, mainly because of being a part of the following two life experiences. 

I had a friend and another acquaintance who both shared with me that held-in grief can play havoc with a person and their health. The friend did not cry much after her young child's death. She developed headaches and couldn't sleep. Her doctor said her problem was unexpressed grief. His remedy was to set aside a time each day to think about her child and to let herself cry. She did and it helped.

The acquaintance was an older woman who told me about losing her husband and she didn't cry because early in their marriage her husband had expressed displeasure when she cried. She vowed at that time to not cry again. After his death, she didn't cry and after a few months she started losing her hair. It started coming out by the handfuls. Her doctor also told her it was unexpressed grief. She had to learn how to cry again. She told me she was glad she learned how to grieve and she was glad her hair grew back.

So, I had learned it was important to let grief be felt and expressed, which is hard to do for some types of people, including me. Add to that the fact that a suicide is embarrassing for many people. They don't know what to say to one grieving over a suicide death. Some of my friends would even turn away and choose not to greet me or to speak. Unknown to them, I could see and sense that. That was a double whammy. That's the time you really need support and hugs of friends, not advice, just caring.

I've thought of all of this as I've been thinking and praying for my loved ones.

Interestingly enough, a monthly magazine we get called Ministry came yesterday and it has an article in it entitled: Assisting Parishioners Through Grief (Part one of a two-part series). I've read the article several times already. The first sub-topic is Listen! Listen! Listen!

People experiencing grief need listening ears and hearts, not advice. Not advice! May I repeat, not advice. Why is it that most of us think we need to give a solution to someone who is hurting? The article says to listen without interrupting, giving advice, or trying to take away the pain. And I loved the next statement: Pain mellows when experienced and expressed to a patient listener.

That's what I want to do and to be to my family members, a patient listener, as they start the slow and painful process of experiencing and expressing grief as they go through this part of their journey of life.

MB