Thursday, June 26, 2008

Love Birds



This is a picture that my handsome feller had painted for me for our 49th anniversary last month. The style is the artist's unique and different way of painting birds.

I especially like the female bird. She's red and she has a crown. Red is my absolutely favorite color. I have a disproportionate percentage of red garments in my closet. And I love the crown on the female bird's head. Wonder what that means? Queen of ...?

Brown is one of Paul's favorite colors. And Paul has blue eyes as does the male bird.

These birds are really a good representation of us in this our last year before our golden anniversary. (Gosh, that sounds so very old. Aren't golden anniversaries for white-haired, inactive seniors? =)

We put this picture over a table in our entryway where we have pictures of all our grandkids and our great-grandchild. It's our nest of offspring's offsprings. I know the rule of decorating is that you don't put any personal pictures in your formal living area, but we're not known for our stylish decorating, so it's okay. We love it!!

Thought I would just share a fun event we're enjoying. My handsome feller loves surprises and loves to surprise me. This was my surprise for our 49th anniversary.
MB

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Home, Hoarse, and Healing


Paul came home on Thursday after two surgeries, one Monday and one Wednesday. I wrote e-mails to those who had inquired and to the boards of Paul's ministry. I used this title as the subject in the e-mails. I thought the alliterated subject line was clever. But, that's just me. =)

The whole experience was very positive. Mistakenly, we thought these surgeries might be more minor surgery than major surgery. Wrong! The first surgery was so major, I wasn't sure it was smart to do a second one two days later. But it was done and the second one was not so major.

We discovered that the anesthesiologist had been a member of our son's church and actually knew who we were. He didn't discover that until they were in surgery. Paul and he had a good talk between surgeries. The physician's assistant, Annette, plays the orchestra in a church where our nephew is a member and is a former staff member. She knew him. Such a small world.

The doctors were great. The care was exceptional, and we made some new friends including a nurse's aide who is on the OU baseball team. We'll probably go watch him play next season. How fun is that?

Also enjoyable was the waiting room experience. I learned how to play Crazy 8's with Dara, my granddaughter. (She insists she's my favorite granddaughter. I continue to tell her that yes she is, she is one of my six favorite granddaughters. =) All the kids were there and it was fun visiting and catching up. My brother stayed up there the whole time Monday and Wednesday, and Wednesday was his birthday. Imagine! Spending your birthday in a hospital waiting room. Very special!!

I learned lots of new information, mostly trivia. I do think I'm an information junkie. I learned that the operated-on arteries are sewn up with a cow's pericardiem patch. Isn't that interesting? I also learned that the risk of these carotid arteries clogging up again is very low. Usually they don't.

Wouldn't you think that a better blood flow through the carotid arteries would make you able to think better? We asked the doctor that, and he chuckled and said no but that a lot of people think it does. He said it's just a preventative measure to reduce the risk of stroke.

We're home and Paul is hoarse, but improving. He had the breathing tube inserted twice, and that made him hoarse. His throat is swollen on both sides where the incisions are and underneath in the middle under his chin. Another trivia note: after surgery the area under the chin fills up with fluid, which is a natural result from the surgery. The PA warned us and said that is natural and will go away on its own.

You can imagine how he looks. Both sides of his neck swollen from the incisions, and swollen with fluid under his chin. Really, he doesn't look that bad, but he thinks he does.

All is well, and we're glad last week is over. Paul thinks he'll be back to almost normal in a couple of days. We'll see.
MB

Monday, June 16, 2008

Paul's Procedure


I'm an information junkie. I "google" anything I want to find out more about. I want to know.

Interestingly, I have relatives and friends who don't want to know. I find that curious. I want to know anything and everything about what's happening. Not sure why. I think it's because I think I can make informed decisions. I also know that the type of person I am that I do not like surprises. That's probably more it than anything. Hmmmm...

Today Paul is having his first of two endarterectomies. And that is?


Looks pretty scary, doesn't it? But, I like to know what's happening to him when they roll him away on that stretcher.

If all goes well, I have a picture to know what happened. If all does not go well, I want to know what and why. I want to know exactly what the doctor is saying and understand it.

I'm so bad about this that one time I was arguing with my doctor, who was also a friend and fellow church member. He took me by the hand and led me out to the waiting room and introduced me to the waiting patients as "Dr. Burleson." I thought it was funny, but our child I had with me got angry and then started crying because it was so embarrassing. I actually thought the doctor was intimidated and switched to teasing me because maybe he didn't want to answer my questions. It was all in fun and we remained friends.

That's just a fun example of my way of dealing with doctors. That same doctor asked me what medical school I attended when I was questioning him about something else. I said I didn't, but I still wanted answers. This happened years ago, but it illustrates that I'm a question asker and want to be informed. Why is that so hard to understand? =) I really can't understand why everyone isn't that way? JK

Well, that's my self-revelation for today plus information about Paul's procedure. Thanks for stopping by.
MB

Saturday, June 07, 2008

A Special Birthday


Today is Kelly's birthday.

I wanted to use this space and take this opportunity to express what a special person she is and to wish her a very happy birthday!

As I've observed Kelly over the last three years, here are some admirable traits that are evident:

Energetic: She is always "up and at 'em." She has energy to stay up with, entertain, and have fun with a five year old and an eight year old and her grandson, who just turned one. She keeps her home and is always decorating and redecorating. She has a beautiful yard and is always helping or planting new trees and flowers. It's fun to drive up and see the new look.

Loving: Kelly is very loving. She always hugs us when we come and when we leave. Her two stepchildren always want her to hold them or carry them. Her two grown children are very close to her and those relationships are fun to watch.

Physically beautiful: Staying in shape as you get older is a real challenge. Kelly is one of those rare women who cares about how she looks AND keeps herself in good physical shape and always looks beautiful and attractive.

Forgiving: Kelly came into our family during some tough circumstances. Yours truly was the worst offender. Kelly has repeatedly said to me that all of that is forgiven. That is a rare quality, especially forgiveness of your mother-in-law. I'm especially grateful for this trait in Kelly.

I could go on and on, but suffice it to say, I am so glad that Kelly is a part of our family. We're fortunate to have her as one of us.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KELLY!!
HOPE IT'S THE BEST EVER!

Love you much,
MB

Monday, May 26, 2008

Honoring Dad on Memorial Day 2008


The following is an article written by my Mom last year when she participated in a request for survivors of veterans to submit their stories. I thought this was appropriate to reproduce here on Memorial Day 2008.

I am the widow of Captain Fred T. Cherry, who spent forty-four months serving his country several places in the United States and several countries in Europe.

We were both born in Oklahoma. I was Virginia Pearl Salyer. We met for coffee in my parents’ home in Overton, Texas, where Fred was sent as the new engineer for the British American Oil Company, my father’s employer also. It was in the spring of 1936. That night Fred met me at my place of employment to take me home. We were married in January of 1937.

Fred graduated from Okmulgee High School, an outstanding athlete. He made the all-state football team when only eleven men were chosen. He was also a record-breaking track sprinter on both his high school and Oklahoma University football and track teams. He was The Oklahoman’s football team’s star end for three years, making headlines consistently. He was also in R.O.T.C.

He continued working for the oil company until his superintendent told him he would have to quit “preaching” or resign. Fred was devoted to sharing his faith with all with whom he talked. So, he resigned. During the time of his unemployment our second child was born.

Don McBride, who was employed by Robert S. Kerr, was a good friend of Fred’s. He placed Fred in a filing clerk job at the state capitol. His salary was the same as his high school job as a “soda jerk” in his father’s drugstore. Soon he was appointed to an engineering position with the state’s Water and Resources Division, where he worked until he was called into active duty, leaving me with our now three children.

After a time at the proving ground in Maryland, he was assigned to the munitions plant in Carbondale, Illinois, to be there for the duration. So we moved to Marion, Illinois. In less than a year the age limit was lowered for overseas duty. In less than ten days Fred was gone again. I returned to Texas to be near my family, driving 672 miles in one day. Fred spent a short time in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and another assignment in Needles, California, for desert training. Our fourth child was born during this time.

I traveled by train to Hattiesburg, Mississippi, to be with Fred a few days prior to his immediate departure for overseas duty.

He landed in France, was in London during “the Blitz” where he was assigned to a high-rise flat, that was bombed so heavily that had he been there, he might not have returned. His equipment was heavily damaged. He talked little of that year, but spoke of his time in London and Belgium, where he was during the Battle of the Bulge.

Fred was assigned to the Ordnance Corps, the army of supply, which placed him ahead of the troops. He was assigned a jeep and he named it “John 3:16.” He was disturbed that so many American soldiers didn’t know that was a favorite Bible verse. At one point in Belgium he and his sergeant vacated the jeep for the ground beneath it to avoid the strafing of an approaching plane.

Families shipped food to their loved ones, baking favorites. He wrote me of sharing a chicken I had pressured in a gallon bucket and shipped to him in Belgium. He shared it with a priest on Christmas Day in a Belgium monastery.

Fred was assigned to the Army of Occupation following D-Day. He spoke of helping German families with food supplies, especially buckets of peanut butter.

Later, a friend told him he spotted his jeep in a stockpile in Germany.

On his return Fred was appointed Assistant Park Director with the state, where he worked for five years. Churches were inviting Fred to speak. When I asked him what he would do when he couldn’t fill all requests and keep his state job, he said he would resign, which he did, again, with no assurance of employment scheduled.

By then we had four more children. He was already in Arkansas preaching a revival meeting, so he became a Baptist evangelist and preached twenty years all over the United States and up into Canada. We sold our home in Oklahoma City and moved to the country, south of Edmond, into an old log and rock house where I still live.

We had three more children bringing our total to eleven. My parents moved to Oklahoma and were near to help with our one shy of a dozen children.

Fred never required an honorarium for his preaching though he was asked frequently. He told pastors who invited him to just let the people give as they felt led. Only one time did we run out of money, as I remember. I asked our two older children to pray our need would be supplied, and in a day or two we received a check from Fred. In those days churches scheduled two-week meetings. This was the only time a church took an offering midway in a revival meeting. Sometimes offerings only paid his expenses, like one small church in California only gave him enough to pay his train fare.

Fred had a fatal heart attack in Texas during a revival meeting in 1970.

I continue living in our old country home we bought in 1950. It is requiring many repairs, but the children help me with needs. In a few weeks I will be 90 years old. I have 42 grandchildren and 86 great grandchildren. I feel sure Fred would be proud of the family he fought to protect.

As for me, I claim the old saying I heard years ago, “My life is a bowl of cherries.” My bunch is requiring a bigger bowl real often.

Sunday, May 11, 2008

Mother's Day 2008


My mother, Virgina Pearl Salyer Cherry, has been a mother for 71 years. She birthed twelve children, raised eleven to adulthood, and is mother to 10 living children, 41 grandchildren, 87 great-grandchildren, and 1 great-great grandchild. (These numbers are my quick post-it note addition figures. Accuracy in doubt, but close enough.)



Yesterday our gift to our mother was to go to her home and help with a little spring cleaning on the patio and porches. Four of us were able to come and three of our mates, so seven of us worked for a few hours sweeping and washing and cleaning and joking and reminiscing. Jenny and I used to hate our Saturday chores, one of which was sweeping the patio. Three areas, the patio and two porches, had things rearranged, removed, and cleaned. It took a lot more energy than it did many years ago.



While we were working, Mother enjoyed her morning coffee and watched us. I asked her if she was sweeping vicariously. She asked me what that meant. I shrugged and we laughed. I figured if she didn't know, it wasn't worth explaining.



After all the cleaning was done. Freddie built a fire in the converted well on the patio so we could have a weiner roast. Last Sunday when I visited Mom, she was lamenting that she would love to have everyone come out and have a weiner roast, but she just wasn't sure she was up to cleaning and preparing. Thus, the idea for her Mother's Day present.

We brought franks and buns, chili, onions, relish and mustard. We had to have potato salad, cantalope, baked beans, and chips. Then for dessert we had strawberry shortcake including ice cream. We all ate way too much and had great fun enjoying the beautiful weather, which was perfect for a picnic, and enjoying the scenery basking in our finished chores.



After we were all stuffed, we enjoyed sitting around and visiting. It was a great Mother's Day.





The workers: Freddie (pictured above with Mother), John and Karen Cherry, Jenny and Tom McMonigle, and (us) Paul and Mary Burleson

Thursday, April 24, 2008

Clogging


I love clogging!

When I started several years ago, I couldn't do it. My clogging partner is my younger brother, Fred. We reminisce often about how we were so frustrated and overwhelmed and thought we could never, ever do something like this.

We were radical in our practicing and were so excited when we did public performances. Over the years we've clogged several times in San Antonio on the river walk. We've also clogged at the OK State Fair, at Frontier City, and even a couple of times in Branson MO. Wow!

However, if you don't use it, you lose it. Ever heard that? I'm here to tell you it's very true for me and clogging.

About a year and a half ago while we were on vacation on a foliage tour in New England I was getting out of bed and thought I pulled a groin muscle. I developed a limp and couldn't get over the pain of any turning movement. Very painful. So, I did some Internet searching. I was convinced I had a hairline fracture in my right femur. Self-diagnosed. Several doctor visits later and wrong diagnoses, I'm more sure than ever that was my problem. I'm now okay and my joint and bones have healed.

During this time I had to stop clogging. I just couldn't do it, and I was afraid instead of a hairline fracture I might cause a break.

So, what happened to my ability to clog? Almost totally lost. Can you believe it?

I had to start up again at the beginner level. That has been very frustrating. And guess what? I don't practice. Result? I'm in the Intermediate class and look pretty good, but I just can't get back up to the Advanced class. Hmmm...

I've thought a lot about what is my problem. Why can't I get back into clogging like I used to? Maybe. . .
• I'm afraid of turning wrong and reinjuring my hip joint?
• I don't care enough to practice and do what it takes to learn the dances?
• Have my priorities changed?
• Has my energy level decreased?
• Am I too old?

I don't really know, but I keep dabbling in clogging. I travel a lot and miss too many practices, but I know if I really wanted to I could get back to the level of clogging I used to have.

If I figure it out, I'll let you know. If you have some ideas, let me know. This is not a life-changing dilemma, but it is something I think about and in the meantime I clog on the Intermediate level.

This whole situation is reminding me of a lot of other things in my life. Hmmmm...
MB

Sunday, April 13, 2008

Home Again!


Paul and I just spent a week away. I had a business trip to attend, National Council of Superintendents of Mathematics (NCSM) and National Council of Teachers of Mathematics (NCTM). The conventions were held in Salt Lake City. Paul had some ministry contacts and spent his time with them and doing some sight seeing.

When we arrived home, we agreed home never looked so good. Very good!

We've traveled a lot. Paul travels in his business, and I do some. We've traveled overseas and we've even led tourist groups. We've been on mission trips to South America and Paul has to Indonesia and other various places.

That said, we are both changing as we get older. Most of our friends our age are traveling and loving it. We stay home as much as we can. Isn't that funny? We don't want to go. We want to stay put! We love our home and we love our routine.

Our routine involves getting up early, checking e-mails and blogs, eating a light breakfast, and leaving the house at 6:30 to go to the mall and walk two miles. Paul takes me to work and goes to Starbucks and gets me a cup of coffee and delivers it to my desk.

I work an 8 to 10 hour day and I come home to a home-cooked meal and a catch-up time with my partner about how our day has been and who we've talked to and been with. It's a very fun time. I forgot. Before we eat our meal I enjoy a little snack prepared for our debriefing time. Of course, this schedule only happens if Paul is in town. We both thoroughly enjoy it and miss our schedule when we're out of pocket, one of us or both of us.

Concluding: There's no place like home!
MB

Saturday, April 05, 2008

Lunch at Panda Garden



Tuesday was our oldest daughter's 48th birthday. Our other daughter and her daughter drove to Norman from Tulsa and treated the birthday girl and her daughter to lunch. I, the mother and grandmother, was also invited.

What a treat! It was so enjoyable and so fun.

We're all very different and unique as individuals. I sat there enjoying the conversation and the food and just reveled in the fun of being with family and especially an all-girls fun time.

We laughed and talked and shared and visited. There were no undercurrents of relational dysfunction or that stuff that often happens when members of families get together.

I do think we've come to the place where we can get together and celebrate our differences, share our experiences, and enjoy being together and sharing our love for each other. It's almost a miracle! (Can miracles be an almost?) =) When I think back of how much baggage we carried in our own lives as we parented and how many mistakes we made, it's absolutely incredible that we've all survived and actually enjoy being together and invite one another to join the fun. Yeah!

Never will I take that for granted, and every day I feel anew gratitude for my wonderful kids and their kids. Life is good!
MB

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Easter

Today is Easter 2008. Happy Easter!

I've always been fascinated by what determines the date of Easter. I found the following in Wikipedia and rephrased it: 

The rule has been since the Middle Ages that Easter is observed on the Sunday after the first full moon on or after the day of the vernal equinox. Problems: One is that the full moon involved (called the Paschal full moon) is not an astronomical full moon, but an ecclesiastical moon. Another difference is that the astronomical vernal equinox is a natural astronomical phenomenon, while the ecclesiastical vernal equinox is a fixed March 21. Easter is determined from tables which determine Easter based on the ecclesiastical rules, which approximate the astronomical full moon. 

The calculations for the date of Easter are somewhat complicated. In the Western Church, Easter has not fallen on the earliest of the 35 possible dates, March 22, since 1818, and will not do so again until 2285. It does however fall on March 23 in 2008 but will not do so again until 2160. Easter last fell on the latest possible date, April 25, in 1943 and will next fall on that date in 2038. However, it will fall on April 24, just one day before this latest possible date, in 2011.

The cycle of Easter dates repeats after exactly 5,700,000 years, with April 19 being the most common date, happening 220,400 times, or 3.9% compared to a median for all dates of 189,525 times, or 3.3%.

Are you saying by now, who cares?

I've always wondered who or what determines when Easter is, and I've also wondered why sometimes it is said that March 21 is the equinox, but other times I hear that March 20 is. I think I found some of my answers. Again, who cares? I do. =)

But this Easter I had more of a personal reflection. Yesterday Paul and I visited both of our Moms and took them Easter baskets filled with chocolate candy. Paul's Mom is approaching 90 and is in a nursing home. We had a great visit with her and shared some chocolate candy.

We then visited my Mom who is in her 91st year. She still lives in the big house where she raised 11 children, but she is well cared for by one of my brothers who lives on the property. She had fun telling us about being out shopping and buying an Easter hat (and she only paid $5 for it, but she wasn't supposed to tell anyone that, LOL). She's afraid she's taking a cold so she won't get to go to church on Easter Sunday and wear her new hat.

How times have changed. I couldn't help but think of all the years we colored Easter eggs and hid them with our kids. Then just a few years ago some of our kids came and brought their kids and we hid Easter eggs in the park nearby. Now, we're taking Easter baskets to our elderly Moms. Time does move on.

And a big part of our Easters has always been large and wonderful church services. That's usually the biggest crowd of the year, and when Paul pastored a large church in Fort Worth, we rented an arena downtown to hold the huge crowd. What wonderful memories; what great reflections.

And to conclude this post, I have to tell you that we experienced another wonderful Easter service at our church, Henderson Hills in Edmond. The music was fabulous, the participation by large groups of all ages, the message by the pastor, and concluding with what a difference the resurrection makes in the lives of people. About a dozen people came out holding a placard that had a problem they had faced in their lives, and they stood center stage and turned the placard over, showing what a change the Lord Jesus had made in their lives. Powerful!!

Yes, we went to church on Saturday night to avoid the huge crowds that will be present on Sunday morning. We didn't avoid that because the church was full! We had a wonderful worship experience and have already enjoyed a great Easter.

Wishing you a very wonderful and happy Easter today!
MB

Monday, March 17, 2008

Family


Just a quick post about how grateful I am for my family.

I have a soul mate for a husband. I realize every day what a blessing that is. There's nothing we cannot talk about. We both have our private places inside for a few sacred personal things, but we make it a practice to talk and share. We celebrate and respect each other's differences. Yeah! It's taken many years, but it's so worth the effort.

And I appreciate so much our four children who survived their upbringing. They are all four successful adults and family-oriented adults. They're all successful in their respective professions. They're all our adult friends. Again, what a blessing! I'm grateful.

And then our four children's mates are all and each one very special, exactly fit and they all make great couples. This also has not been without struggles of varying degrees. These two men and two women are also our adult friends.

And as if the blessings don't stop, how blessed we are with our 13 grandchildren and 4 step-grandchildren. And the icing on the cake is a great-grandchild and a step great-grandchild.

Just wanted to say today that I'm grateful and I realize how fortunate we are to have our family. I want to do everything I can to keep the relationships top-notch, open, sharing, and respectful. May it ever be!
MB

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

Processing Grief

In the article I mentioned in my last post about grief, the author quoted Therese A. Rando's description of grief care as a series of processes rather than tasks or outcomes. He continues writing that he has used Rando's processes as a template cover which he could place the current experience of a grieving person and thus determine their progress or the area where they were stuck. He then paraphrased Rando's processes as follows:

1. Admit that the loss happened and attempt to comprehend how it happened.
2. Allow the full experience of pain and talk about the major and secondary issues.
3. Think about the relationship and review memories both positive and negative.
4. Admit that the physical relationship can no longer be and write a new life script.
5. Develop new plans that do not include the lost relationship.

He continues by giving a couple of examples. Then concludes by saying that "I often hear people say to a grieving person, 'It's been over a year now. You should be over it.' But time cannot be considered the best indicator of adjustment. The most reliable indicator is movement. (Movement through the above processes.) The movement can be large or ever so small, but movement shows reason to rejoice."

I heard a long time ago that we don't always learn what we hear taught or sermonized. But usually we really learn something that we've already experienced and then we hear teaching on it and we know, really know, that this is the truth that we've already experienced. Someone has put words to what I know in experience. And we find ourselves saying, Aha, YES!

That's one of the reasons I posted excerpts from this article on grief. I've experienced grief, and when I read these comments, it was an aha moment for me. Wanted to share.
MB

Thursday, March 06, 2008

Grief

Some of our family are experiencing grief right now in major proportions. They've lost a father, a very close friend, and another friend, all within two weeks. One death would be very difficult to process, two extremely difficult, three could really be overwhelming.

Loving and thinking of and praying for these family members has caused me to do some reflection and remembering of my own. 

I lost my father when he was 58 years old. There was  no warning, no health problems. I just got a call one day that he had died of a heart attack while he was "on the job." That experience was like walking along through life and hitting a brick wall and being knocked out emotionally. It was very difficult to process. I had three siblings who were still in the home.

I remember many strange feelings: anger when others laughed, even on television; confusion at what this all meant; thinking ahead to all the family holidays and who would sit in his chair and what would we do without him; having dreams that he was there and sitting at the table and the odd sense that something was wrong; and having the feeling that nothing will ever again be the same. Over the years the pain faded, but it took a long, long daily time for that to happen.

Then some years later I had a sister who committed suicide. That was truly an event. That hurt so bad that I had physical pain in my chest and had to hold my chest, put pressure on it, to ease the pain. (I think I now have a realization of what it means to say, "He died of a broken heart.") My grief, the crying, sobbing kind of grief, lasted more than a year after her death. But by this time I had realized how important it was to let the grief out, mainly because of being a part of the following two life experiences. 

I had a friend and another acquaintance who both shared with me that held-in grief can play havoc with a person and their health. The friend did not cry much after her young child's death. She developed headaches and couldn't sleep. Her doctor said her problem was unexpressed grief. His remedy was to set aside a time each day to think about her child and to let herself cry. She did and it helped.

The acquaintance was an older woman who told me about losing her husband and she didn't cry because early in their marriage her husband had expressed displeasure when she cried. She vowed at that time to not cry again. After his death, she didn't cry and after a few months she started losing her hair. It started coming out by the handfuls. Her doctor also told her it was unexpressed grief. She had to learn how to cry again. She told me she was glad she learned how to grieve and she was glad her hair grew back.

So, I had learned it was important to let grief be felt and expressed, which is hard to do for some types of people, including me. Add to that the fact that a suicide is embarrassing for many people. They don't know what to say to one grieving over a suicide death. Some of my friends would even turn away and choose not to greet me or to speak. Unknown to them, I could see and sense that. That was a double whammy. That's the time you really need support and hugs of friends, not advice, just caring.

I've thought of all of this as I've been thinking and praying for my loved ones.

Interestingly enough, a monthly magazine we get called Ministry came yesterday and it has an article in it entitled: Assisting Parishioners Through Grief (Part one of a two-part series). I've read the article several times already. The first sub-topic is Listen! Listen! Listen!

People experiencing grief need listening ears and hearts, not advice. Not advice! May I repeat, not advice. Why is it that most of us think we need to give a solution to someone who is hurting? The article says to listen without interrupting, giving advice, or trying to take away the pain. And I loved the next statement: Pain mellows when experienced and expressed to a patient listener.

That's what I want to do and to be to my family members, a patient listener, as they start the slow and painful process of experiencing and expressing grief as they go through this part of their journey of life.
MB

Monday, February 25, 2008

Mel's Loss and Sadness


Friday, February 14, Paul and I traveled from Enid, where we were doing a family life conference at Emmanuel, to Tulsa to attend John Kilgore's funeral. John had had heart valve surgery the Friday before and instead of getting out of ICU on Saturday as expected, he started a downhill slide. Tuesday they did a test to see if they could discover what was wrong. He died during the test. 

We were on our way to Austin that Tuesday when Melody called and told us. We were stunned. Last summer Paul had asked John and Marilyn to be on our VTM board and they had excitedly agreed. We were looking forward to their being with us in our summer meeting. It's still hard to believe. 

Melody was asked to speak and to sing at John's funeral. She knew she could sing, but she wasn't sure she could speak. She called and asked me to be ready to step up and finish her talk and she sent me a copy. She did really well and was able to finish her talk, albeit with tears and some struggle. Someone who spoke before Mel said that everyone thought they were John's best friend. When Melody stood to speak, she said everyone may have thought that, "but I really was John's best friend." Everyone laughed so that set the tone a little from the extreme sadness that was overwhelming Mel.

Anyway, that's why I have Mel's talk. She's a great speaker and I wanted to share with you what she said about John to the overflow crowd gathered and to the family. The following is Mel's talk.

We are gathered today to pay tribute and to honor the life of our dear friend John Kilgore. I would like to borrow a few words from an e-mail so eloquently written this week.

"My dear friend John!" That is a viable statement for everyone within the sound of my voice because that was John's gift--the ability to affirm each one sincerely as his dear friend! Knowing the plans that He has for John and for us, our Sovereign God considered the injuries to John's heart and listened to each prayer so fervently prayed, and chose to take John home--momentarily dropping the bottom out of our world and leaving us in shock and disbelief. We can't know God's ways and have no idea why we have been completely deprived of John's companionship at this moment. And yet we trust Him as we weep together! And at the same time we marvel--How blessed are we, among men and women of all time, that we shared life here on earth with John Wayne Kilgore?!

Those words reflect how I am feeling today. Shock, disbelief, sadness, even anger, but above all, unbelievable gratitude for the privilege of sharing 17 years of my life with John. He was my pastor, he was my mentor, he was my friend. He believed in me, and he helped me believe in myself. He taught me how to see beauty in God's creation, and how to get the most out of life!

A few weeks ago Tony and I took John and Marilyn out to eat and to see the Ten Tenors in concert. After the evening was over we commented on how much more we got out of the experience just watching John. He loved that performance, and everyone around him knew he loved it. He was a man who lived with passion.

When I think of John, I think of David in the Psalms, and maybe John loved the Psalms so much because he identified with David and his passion for God. John desperately wanted to know and experience the depth of God's love. And God would meet him in unique ways. When he was in Tennessee a few years ago, I remember the story of when he went driving through the beautiful countryside just crying out to God to reveal Himself and to show him his love. When he stopped at a gas station in the middle of nowhere, right there on the pump someone had left a tract entitled, God loves You! John needed those concrete examples of God's love.

And God gave them to him over and over. And I just keep thinking that now he knows, he really knows and is experiencing God's love for him. I can imagine Jesus waiting at the gates of heaven along with thousands of others to welcome John with a hug as big as the ones he gave us.

No one could give a hug like John. In fact, in choir Wednesday, we lamented over the question, "Who's going to hug us now?" and we decided that we're going to have to hug each other. We're going to have to learn how to give "John hugs."

John left us a legacy. A legacy of loving God and loving people, and we've decided to carry on that legacy. I loved John with all of my heart, and there will be a hole in my life that will never be filled. But I am grateful for the gift that God gave me through the life of my dear friend John. I love you John!!!

Today, February 25, Mel wrote on her blog about her experience of grief and of missing John. That reminded me that I had wanted to share this speech and this was a good opportunity.

Truth is, John will never be gone forever. He lives on in the hearts of so many.
Just thought I wanted to share something of what Mel and Tony are going through and also about how much we're going to miss John. It still seems unreal.
MB 

Thursday, February 14, 2008

My Valentine

Today is Valentine's Day.

My Valentine for the last 51 years has been William Paul Burleson. We started dating when I was 16 and we married when I was 17. From the day I met him and from that day forward Paul has been my Valentine, over half a century now. WOW!

Today I am more grateful than ever to have had this privilege of having this handsome feller, this fun-loving partner, and this ever-growing soul mate as my Valentine.

This week we lost a dear friend, much younger than we are, and we will attend his funeral tomorrow. Today is a time for reflection and for gratitude.

Happy Valentine's Day, Handsome.
I love you.
MB 

Thursday, February 07, 2008


Ninety-Six Year Old Cherry
My Dad, Fred T. Cherry, died at the age of 58 back in 1970. If he had lived, yesterday he would have had his 96th birthday.

I thought of him off and on all day yesterday trying to imagine what he would have been like at age 96. There's one good thing about his having died at the age of 58. My memory of him is like a freeze frame of him at that age. He was involved in ministry at the time of his death, preaching a revival meeting at a small church in east Texas.

But what I regret is that he didn't live to a ripe old age so that many questions I would like to have asked him could not be asked. He's been gone 38 years. I've learned a lot and I understand so much more the baggage I carried into adulthood because of the way I was raised. I'm responsible as an adult for what baggage I chose to continue to carry, but it would have been nice to have been able to ask questions and hear responses. But that was not to be.

Dad played football at OU and ran track. There are two plaques with his name in the OU outdoor athletic memorial area where they list the All Americans and athletes who lettered. Paul and I go over at least once every football season and read the plaques with his name on them, dated in the early 1930's.

In the 1950's when I was a teenager, my father had made a commitment to witness to at least one person a day about faith in Christ. He was my hero as a man after God and as a witness to his faith. Sometimes it was quite embarrassing when a high school friend would come up to me at school and say something about Dad having given them a ride or having met him. It was such a different day back then. I admired Dad for his witness but as a kid it was sometimes embarrassing, and then when I measured myself against his standard, I would feel guilty for not being a better witness. A mish-mash of emotions!

Then as time went on the eleven children, my ten siblings and I, grew up and evidenced several of the symptoms of having a non-relational and absent Dad, a Dad who was busy ministering and rated almost zero for any parenting skills. I realize now how off-base that was and it's an interesting look-back to see more clearly the truth of the matter.

Hopefully, life's lessons have been learned and are still being learned. Regardless of my Dad's faults, he was my Dad and for better or for worse he was part of my journey and heritage. It's been an interesting look-back and memory time. 

I do still wonder what he would be like today if he were alive. Fun to think about.
MB 

 

Tuesday, January 29, 2008


Happy Belated Birthday, Rachelle!

Yesterday was Rachelle's birthday and I wanted to pay tribute to a wonderful daughter-in-law. Rachelle's been a Burleson for almost 25 years. That means I've been her mother-in-law over half of her life. So, I know her pretty well.

Rachelle not only has beauty on the outside, but she does also on the inside. 

She not only has beauty, but she also has brains.

Rachelle not only is a great Mom, but she stays connected to the bigger family.

She not only runs her household well, she also handles a career.

Rachelle not only is a great pastor's wife, she's a great wife!

She manages to be involved in the church, and she accompanies Wade on many of his trips.

I could go on and on. I'll suffice it to say, we are very lucky as a family and extremely grateful to have Rachelle in our family.

Rachelle, we hope you had a wonderful birthday yesterday. I know Wade left early on a trip. Hope you guys were able to celebrate on your recent trip.

Love you, and Happy Birthday!
Mom B.

Thursday, January 24, 2008


A Milestone Birthday

Today, January 24, is my oldest sibling's 70th birthday. 

I have ten brothers and sisters, nine still living. We gathered last night to have supper together and to celebrate (or to grieve, JK) the oldest of us reaching this milestone. My youngest sibling turns 52 this year.

The gathering last night was fun. There were eight of us siblings, along with seven of our mates there along with our 90-year-old mother for a total of sixteen.

We had fun giving funny and serious cards to our sister, eating good food, and reminiscing about some of the good old days, and actually about some of the not-so-good old days. We laughed a lot and checked with each other about how we're all feeling. Report was good.

Starley, my birthday sibling, and her husband, Ralph, have ten children, 50 grandchildren with two more on the way. Unbelievable! There's always something going on at their house or with their family. The card we bought her said on the front, "I thought about running away to join the circus." You open it up and it said, "But I thought that would be redundant." We thought that was an apropos card for her. Then we wished her a very happy 70th birthday.

Today is Starley's actual birthday although we celebrated last evening, so I want to wish her a very Happy Birthday today and hope that she has many more as she leads the pack into the next generation. She's a young looking pack leader, isn't she?
MB

Friday, January 18, 2008



Congratulations, Mel!




Melody Lenox, our third child, was honored at a new company launch last night, and we were privileged to attend.

The new company is Lead Self-Lead Others Foundation and was founded by Dr. Nathan Baxter. www.leadselfleadothers.com 

Mel is one of four newly certified counselors who are now qualified to lead growth groups.

On their brochure is the following: 
The starting place for leadership development always begins with the leadership of self. We help women grow by training them to lead themselves in five important areas of their lives: habits, health, relationships, time, and money.

We are extremely proud of Melody, and we enjoyed seeing and hearing and sharing in the exciting launch of this new endeavor. I think it's a much needed concept and it will be an exciting adventure to watch the birth and development of this foundation.

Our congratulations to Melody, to Nathan, and to the other three counselors! May God richly bless this new organization and each of you and your work.
MB 

Friday, December 21, 2007



Bride Today

Baby Yesterday





Today, our oldest granddaughter, Terri is getting married.
Yesterday, she was a baby in her great, great grandmother's lap.

The picture on the right shows Terri on my grandmother's lap, my Mom on my left, and Cherri, my daughter and Terri's Mom on my right. I'm standing in the back.

The picture on your left shows four of the same people at a wedding shower a couple of weeks ago. Funny, we're all about in the same position, with Nanny, my grandmother, missing. How funny is that, that we all are in the same position? Just now noticed that.

Today's going to be fun. I love weddings. Now, I'm the Grams who gets seated first because I'm one of the old people. That's also funny (to me anyway). Paul's performing the ceremony, and we get to see many family members who are attending this noon wedding. Tonight we're attending a casual reception at Cherri and Mike's home.

Purpose of this post: Not sure. Just sharing our joy.
MB